Grow On

If I close my eyes softly enough, I can imagine what it would be like. Deep belly laughs, favorite childhood memories, moral support, and present-day conversations. To be accepted into the fold. But life hasn’t turned out that way for me, and that’s just the way it is.

It’s not that my siblings don’t love me and include me in family affairs, it’s just that that’s where it begins and ends. There are few follow-up phone calls asking to get together again. I suppose I am equally responsible for not initiating these calls as well. Truthfully, it just feels, well, rather awkward. Deep sigh.

Some years ago, I was feeling quite saddened by the fact that I did not have a close relationship with my siblings. These feelings haunted me like a sad song, always playing in my heart. For solace, I decided to see a spiritual counselor who would hopefully sympathize with my situation.

On the day of my appointment I arrived early, eager to begin and receive words of wisdom from a trusted source. Well, it didn’t quite turn out as planned. You see, I was expecting a certain scenario to take place, when quite the opposite occurred. The counsel I received came delivered in an unapologetically gruff manner. And what he did and did not say to me has forever remained etched in my heart and soul.

He did not tell me to love more, or to forgive, for that matter. He did not say to put up proper boundaries or to seek therapy. His words of advice were cold and harsh like a tough drill sergeant yelling firm commands at boot camp. He said, “Grow on!”

I gulped and swallowed hard as tears welled up in my eyes. This was not what I was expecting to hear from an esteemed individual. And I certainly didn’t deserve to be barked at! Little did I know at the time that this was exactly what I needed to hear and receive—a swift kick in my cosmic pants to awaken me from my inability to move forward in life. Quite honestly, I didn’t possess the necessary skills to individuate from my family in order to cultivate meaningful relationships.

It has taken me many years to grow up and grow on since that memorable encounter. And while I wish I could say it’s been smooth sailing, it hasn’t. Letting go of my family was difficult, probably one of the hardest things I have ever done. At times, it felt like I was free falling, not knowing where I would land.

But, because I was willing to “grow on,” the world has responded in kind. I have a small cluster of friends who offer support, shared interests, and laughter. Each friend contributes to my life in a different and meaningful way. It’s amazing how things work out if we can move past our fears and allow the care and support of others into our lives. This was a rite of passage I had to go through.

Truthfully, I remain envious of those who have a sister or brother as their best friend. How wonderful that would be. However, one must create their own family, whether blood related or not.

There is a happy ending to this journey. I recently received an email from not one, but two family members asking me to be their friend on Facebook, which made my heart soar. Happily, too, I am now in regular contact with my siblings. This alone fills me with great joy and happiness.

No matter what anyone might say, everyone needs a family.