The Bully and Her Sidekick

I was once bullied by a former manager. She was a brilliant, talented, and frustrated individual who most likely felt her current position was beneath her capabilities. Nonetheless, I was her intended target. Her treatment towards me continued throughout her reign. Along the way, she recruited a sidekick who also shared in making my life at times uncomfortable.

Starting a new job is often fraught with a mixture of emotion; initial excitement, followed by nervousness and insecurity. What made my new employment even more challenging was a little-known fact that I have OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder).

Despite dutifully reading work-related material, I lived in abject fear of making a mistake. Equally debilitating, I could not retain much of what my manager or her assistant said during my first few months of employment. Subsequently, this led to OCD flare-ups, which manifested themselves in repeated questioning on my part. Thus, the fun began, as indicative of their behavior by calling me a less than flattering name.

Admittedly, I was struggling, though my physical appearance spoke otherwise. I have always prided myself on my personal appearance. In many ways, it was my armor and defense against so much I could not control. I loved getting ready for work, applying makeup, and selecting beautifully coordinated outfits. I was attractive back then, and, if truth be told, perhaps this, too, bothered my manager.

However, I never held my beauty or appearance as superior or above anyone else. To be clear, I did not care for my manager, though I certainly respected her gifted intelligence. We all have our gifts.

The question remains as to why I did not stand up for myself to stop the ongoing ridicule. If you would be willing to join me, I know just the right person to answer this valid question. First, it requires taking the elevator downstairs to the Internal Resource Department and engaging in a chit chat with Mimi, who has known me since I was a wee one. “Hey, Mimi!”

“Hello, sweet love. What’s up?”

“Well, I’ve got some folks here who are wondering why I was not more proactive in taking care of myself when I worked for the bully and her sidekick.”

“Yes, I remember her well. Would you like me to retrieve your file from the file drawer marked RESPECTED AND VALUED?”

“Yes, please.”

“Here it is in hand. Let’s see, based on our notes, you recreated a past family dynamic involving two principal players reminiscent of your upbringing, where neither individual afforded you the respect needed to form a healthy sense of self-worth and self-care. Many an unkind word was said, and often you were the scapegoat for their frustrations. I also recorded that these same individuals made you feel unvalued and unloved. Hence, this repetitive theme of allowing unconscious cruelty and disrespectful treatment.”

She continued, “Would you care to hear more?” We all nodded our heads in agreement. “I know all too well the pain this has caused and the consequences it has had on your life. Despite our best efforts to heal, sometimes, my darling, we must learn to live with our sorrows in order to find true peace.”

“It also says here in specific detail that you were never taught how to use your voice to protect yourself by standing up for yourself. Now, my love, we’ve had this talk before, and we both know this is one of the most difficult areas in your life. Have you been practicing Miss Mimi’s stand-up-straight good posture techniques?”

“Yes, Mimi.”

“That’s my girl! Would you like a tissue?”

“No, thank you. I’m okay. Thank you, Mimi, for helping me see my way clear. I think we all have a better understanding now. Oh, my gosh, look at the time. It’s 5:00? I have to catch the bus. Ciao. I love you Mimi.”

“Ciao, my love.”

There are many reasons why we place ourselves in unkind situations. So often, our current behavior is guided by our distant past. But there is a happy ending to this story. My manager eventually quit and her sidekick turned out to be a lovely person. I ended up loving my job and felt quite fulfilled during my time with this company. In the end, I became a valued employee.