Do you go down the rabbit hole?
It is 5:00 in the evening and I am once again procrastinating. I have been working on a writing project long overdue. I seem to have one foot perpetually on the gas pedal and one foot on the brake, spinning my wheels like a souped-up drag racer who loves to burn rubber.
It’s very clear to me that the highest aspect of my being, my spirit, desires to move forward. My battle-worn soul, on the other hand, remains reluctant to do so.
So, I ask myself, what is deeply, truly going on here? And, without so much as a moment’s hesitation, and with ticker tape precision, out spews an instantaneous response. I am afraid of putting myself out there as a writer. I do not wish to subject myself to the scrutiny, criticism, and personal opinions of others. This is good . . . keep going.
Taking risks can be even more daunting when you are an inherent people pleaser, such as myself. I wish I was not so overly concerned with what other people think of me, contorting myself into a people pleasing pretzel. I’ll have a side of honey mustard with that, please.
I picture myself standing on a high dive with knees bent and palms pressed together above my head, ready to take that first dive into the world of self-publishing. Knowing myself, I’ll be wearing a floral embossed bathing cap, and a two-piece tangerine colored ruffled bikini. One must be prepared and properly dressed for those first attempts, which are always the most intimidating until they become second nature. Just over to my right will be a hired marching band, and several very enthusiastic cheerleaders to rally my spirits. Ready, set, go! Boing!
When talking about my apprehension to be a writer with my favorite mentor, he very wisely suggested that maybe my people pleasing, and fear of failure was misplaced. Maybe all this procrastinating was in large part due to a fear of success. “What if you jump and you fly?” he said. “You can never again be as small as you’ve convinced yourself to be.” Come to think of it, I am rather timid of heights. He also went on to say that my internal struggle is about living life bigger and more powerfully.
Taking a risk and following a passion or life calling requires showing up 100% to yourself. Many of us are not accustomed to this type of accountability, because we are not taught to go for it, nor to be confident within ourselves. It is so important to become your own greatest ally, and if that is not yet possible, find someone who will fan the flames of your potentiality and confidence until you do believe in yourself, and your abilities. This will set an example for others to follow suit, which will be the greatest victory for you and for those whom you inspire.
DREAM BIGGER
HOLD YOUR FOCUS
ON YOUR DREAMS.
YOU CAN MAKE
YOUR DREAMS HAPPEN.
TO TAKE THE BLESSINGS
OF YOUR DREAMS
AND MAKE THEM
POSSIBLE BECAUSE
THAT IS WHAT
GLORIFIES GOD.
— Ramtha
J.Z. Knight