A Wise Word

This is a story about the game of golf. Now hold on there, before you run away like a frightened jack rabbit, I encourage you to read on. There is more to this story than golf, for it involves a chance meeting with a venerable sage, and the wisdom he imparted to two very idealistic newlyweds.

My husband loves to play golf, and though I don’t fully share in his passion, I do, however, enjoy listening to and watching this particular sport on the television.

From the beauty of the green fairways to the dulcet sounds of the announcer’s voice, professional golf is quite elegant and visually relaxing. Seldom, if ever, do you see chest bumping, grandstanding, or rowdy spectator participation (which, by the way, can be done in the comfort of your own home if you so desire.)

Golf is a weekly routine for my husband, and for those fortunate enough to enjoy the sport. There is much that can be shared and learned during a four-to-five-hour game. When we are engaged in our favorite activities, the world becomes more united, kinder, and courteous. The young players learn from their elders. The inexperienced from the experienced.

Early on in our marriage, my husband returned home one afternoon after having played a round of golf with an 89-year-old man. Was their meeting simply a coincidence? I think not.

While standing in the kitchen with his backside leaned against the countertop, my husband proceeded to recap the day’s events. Their game of golf began with an exchange of pleasantries followed by how do you do’s. Conversation quickly ensued between the two men. They touched upon topics such as World War II, and how to properly swing a golf club.

The most pressing question, however, came from my husband desiring to know what was the greatest invention this man had seen in his long lifetime. To which the gentleman unhesitatingly replied, “Tivo!” My husband could not refute such honesty and enthusiasm. (The ability to record televised programs at any time of day or night is truly remarkable.)

So, picture if you will, a golf loving yuppie, cruising the fairways with an 89-year-old hot shot, who by the way was beating the pants off my husband. Somewhere between the 8th or 9th hole, and a few rogue geese, a profound pearl of wisdom was offered to my husband from this elderly man. A man who seemed to hold all the answers to life’s questions in his voice. He turned to my husband and said concerning a relationship, “You can respect someone you do not love, but you cannot love someone you do not respect.”

As I listened to my husband repeat these words in the kitchen, I squinted my eyes ever so slightly, not knowing what to think. I then said, “He said that to you?”

“Yes” replied my husband very matter of fact, and then finished telling me how they parted ways after an enjoyable day together. Clearly this man had made an impression on my husband.

Solid advice, like a good wine takes time to ferment, until it is ready to drink and put to good use. I’m the type of person who likes to process ideas, batting them about like a kitten playing with a ball of string. I couldn’t help contemplating his sagacious advice, which required taking a personal inventory and examination of my feelings for the men I have loved or not to see whether respect was a part of the equation. Sure enough, this formula or lack thereof played a significant role in each one of my past relationships. Unfortunately, I have also been on the receiving end of not garnering a boyfriend’s or potential suitor’s respect, which at the time hurt. I now know the importance for respect in a relationship. Of this I am certain.

Respect creates an environment of safety and trust between two people. It is the foundation that allows the couple to lean in towards one another, desiring more of each other. Whereas, disrespect creates a parting of ways, and once this happens can be difficult to remedy. Love, without respect, is simply not enough to sustain a relationship.

When I look at the people I love and respect, I see two things in common. First, I know and trust that they will say or do the right thing in most situations. There is a certain amount of maturity that comes with respect.

Secondly, I know these same individuals are not easily swayed or influenced by another person to act or speak in a manner unlike themselves. They remain true to themselves. Respect is the mirror image of trust, and like love, it is one of the greatest gifts in life.

Yes, I am very grateful for the game of golf. It keeps my husband happy, and myself the recipient of many a wise word.