Do you go down the rabbit hole?
I have a dear friend who has a nephew, and many years ago I overheard one of their conversations. At the time, his nephew was around eight years old. “So, Uncle David, how are you?”
“I’m good Aaron, how are you?”
“I’m great. Do you want to know what I did today? OK. So, let me tell you. Do you want to know what I ate for breakfast? OK. So, let me tell you.”
On and on went this conversation, in complete sentences, where no details were spared. I couldn’t believe my ears, nor could my friend. It was the most delightful exchange, imbued with both excitement and innocence. I still find myself enjoying the moment some twenty years later!
However, within that same time frame, but with the onset of puberty, you would never know it was the same boy.
“Aaron, hi, how are you? This is Uncle David.”
“Fine,” said in a deep voice with no further comment.
“What’s new with you?”
“Nothing much.” His words barely audible to the ear.
“I see, well that’s just wonderful!” said my friend to his nephew.
Yep, a classic case of Invasion of the Body Snatchers. How does it happen? Why does this happen? At this juncture, it was far easier for my friend to hold a conversation with a piece of fruit, rather than with his once ebullient filled nephew.
Do you remember those days when your child held your hand as though you were the center of their tiny universe? Now, you’re lucky enough to catch a glimpse of their presence, as they orbit past you in lightspeed avoidance. Such were the days.
Rest assured, this is all part of the plan. And, as difficult as it is, perhaps it’s best to accept teens exactly where they are—up to a point. No, they cannot leave their smelly socks draped on the living room sofa, nor talk endlessly on their cell phone to their BFF. Rules and boundaries still apply. However, if we can create the space for their feelings, growth, and individuation, this may be the closest way to bridge the generation gap. And with time, you will once again belong to their universe.