The Letter “A” Stands For

Today’s word is brought to you by the letter A, as in the word alexithymia. This newly acquired word is one in which I am most eager to share with you.

When I first discovered the meaning of the word alexithymia, I was overcome with emotion. The best definition comes from one of my favorite books, The Spiritual Power of Empathy: Develop your Intuitive Gifts for Compassionate Connection by the author, Cyndi Dale. It’s a must-read—really. In her book, she uses the word alexithymia in reference to addiction: “Research shows that although the addict might care deep inside, their empathy is held hostage by addiction. They are also frequently unable to recognize or describe their own feelings; in fact, nearly 40 percent of all alcoholics have alexithymia, a psychological syndrome in which a person cannot identify their own feelings.” 1

Every time I read this definition, I am moved and can’t help but think about the many lives that have been lost, damaged, or irrevocably changed due to both addiction and an individual’s inability to recognize and responsibly express the human range of emotions. Quite honestly, it breaks my heart.

The ramifications of this psychological impairment are not only immense, but broad reaching as well. And no doubt, passed down from one generation to the next.

Personally, I have experienced the turmoil of living with or being involved with people who are disassociated from their feelings. I have also lived this painful reality. I was once disconnected from my true feelings, which led to a host of problems and great indecisiveness on my part.

Now, I never turned to alcohol or any form of substance abuse; however, my personal life was as unstable as an addicts. Back then, my emotional development was similar to a five year old, where I expressed my feelings through behavior.

It wasn’t until I began talk therapy that I learned how to identify and express my feelings. Sorting through the psychological remnants of my life was no easy feat, but it was necessary in order to understand my behavior, thoughts, and true feelings.

When I first met my therapist, I was nothing more than a withdrawn and deflated version of my former self. She, my therapist, breathed life back into my soul by merely listening to me and offering insightful comments. I was excited and willing to do the work to get in touch with my feelings, no matter how uncomfortable it may have been.

With each session I could see and feel both my arms and legs increase in volume and buoyancy. During this same period, I met an acupuncturist who suggested that I learn “how to ride the waves in life.” Well, let me tell you, with regard to my feelings, I now ride those waves, both good and bad, all the way to the shore. I am no longer disassociated from my feelings and emotions, which at times can be rather messy. Or, as my former therapist would say, “feelings are messy.”

I can’t imagine living life as I once did. My feelings are now precious to me and require my individual attention, otherwise chaos can ensue. I am grateful to have arrived at such a place.

Please, if you haven’t already done so, do your best to get in touch with your feelings, and please learn how to responsibly convey the full spectrum of human emotions. Once this happens, there’s no place left to go but up.

Reprinted by permission of Llewellyn Publications, The Spiritual Power of Empathy: Develop Your Intuitive Gifts for Compassionate Connection by Cyndi Dale. Copyright 2015 by Cyndi Dale.