“Not Now Honey”

It’s all about timing. Wait. Wait. Timing is everything in life.

Today I had one of those “not quite sure I can trust it” moments.  Need I say more?  Then suddenly, several minutes later, my stomach began twisting and turning and churning like a wild ride at an amusement park.  WHEEE!

Clenched ever so tightly and in need of a loo, I managed to wobble my way across the front lawn, through the garage and into the kitchen where I yelled to my husband with complete conviction, “I’m pooping in my paaants!”  Subtlety has never been a virtue of mine in an emergency.

My timing could not have been worse.  My husband was in the TV room glued to his alma mater’s football game.  The first of the season.  “O-h-h-h-h!” he answered back in a staccato-like fashion.

The situation was not good.  That’s all I will say.  And not only that, I was down to my last pair of underwear, as our washing machine decidedly quit during yesterday’s laundry.  OUT OF ORDER.

When something like this happens, all you can do is take a nice long hot shower.  But, before I did, I asked my husband for a favor, and without so much as turning to look at me, he yelled, “Not now Honey!”  Again, affixed to the TV as though he were in a hypnotic trance where nothing else mattered.  Not time, space, or even my famous onion dip.

“But . . .,” I said.  So, there I stood, stranded in all my glory.  I mustered as much dignity as I could given the circumstances, and washed the day away, whereupon I was once again clean and part of the human race.

They say timing is everything.  Wait.  Wait.  Now.  Timing is everything in life.  The right time to say something.  The right time to do something—or not.  Timing is the watchful guard leading you to a world of synchronistic delights.  Does this include the entire football season?

Should you find yourself in one of life’s little emergencies, just make certain to first schedule it in on the family calendar, and by all means avoid those weekend days of Rah Rah Sis Boom Bah.